This post is part of my Bad Career Advice series in which I expose outdated, clichéd, and counterproductive advice for exactly what it is.
So, there’s this race, right? A nice guy versus a jerk. Who’s gonna win? According to popular belief, the jerk takes the prize every time. Nice guys just can’t compete. Apparently, all that goodness just slows them down.
This generic advisory was probably started by one nice guy who got burned and vowed never to be so foolish again. I feel for him. Really, I do. But why does he have to ruin niceness for the rest of us?
Truth be told, the professional world has long considered the word “nice” synonymous with “weak.” Nice guys are powerless. They’re just asking to be taken advantage of. It’s assumed that niceness can’t coexist with anything other than fragility, a decidedly feminine trait unappreciated in the male-dominated world of business. Niceness and other such qualities are seen as unnecessary distractions at best; disastrous displays of incompetence at worst.
The only way to win the game, so we’re told, is to demonstrate that you have what it takes—the cut-throat, raw ambition and competitive spirit needed to take down anyone who gets in your way. Never mind talent and skill. That has little to do with it.
I’ve always been disturbed by the adage that nice guys finish last. It’s condescending and, in my opinion, completely false. Being nice does not necessarily mean that you’re weak. You don’t have to be an ass to be assertive or stand up for yourself when needed. Those who believe this might want to engage in some communications training.
And being nice doesn’t mean you’re inept. In what world does ability have any impact on social graces?
The real issue here is that this notion compels people to think in a one-man show, zero-sum way: I want to win therefore you have to lose. In order to not be the last one sliding into the finish line, I have to do everything in my power to stay one step ahead of you. And so the civility cap comes off.
In reality, much of business success isn’t about you winning a race. It’s about teamwork and getting the whole team to the goal line together. One person simply can’t do it all on his own.
And guess what? Teams don’t run too well with jerks. Successful teams encourage a sense of respect and yes, niceness among members. It goes a long way in getting people to support one another. After all, no one wants to help someone they don’t like. Unless you think you’ll never need the assistance of anyone else, niceness is an investment that pays off in all areas of life.
There’s another saying that I believe applies well in the business world: You catch more bees with honey than vinegar. Essentially, this means that niceness leads to a greater level of success than the alternative. In my experience, this is a more appropriate and productive way of thinking. It isn’t to say that you need to adopt a falsely sincere, sticky-sweet demeanor in order to trick people into giving you what you want. It simply means that niceness isn’t a hindrance; it’s an asset.
Need some proof? Just ask Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Airlines. This is what he recently wrote in an article on Entrepreneur.com:
There are lots of ways to get your point across and make your business successful without being aggressive. Always remember that you love what you do and your role is to persuade others to love your business, too, and, therefore, to want to work with you. I hope we are successful at Virgin because we engage with everyone in a positive, inclusive manner rather than in an aggressive, combative or negative way.
This post is part of my Bad Career Advice series in which I expose outdated, clichéd, and counterproductive advice for exactly what it is.
A few years ago, a small book titled Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff became an overnight sensation in the self-help world. The general idea—that you shouldn’t get so bogged down in the details that you lose sight of the big picture—was fine in theory. But it quickly became a mantra that the unsuspecting public applied equally to every aspect of life, using it as a justification for unexceptional, and even careless, behavior.
In practice, the concept proved to be a surefire path to mediocrity.
You see, in reality, the small stuff is what matters. It’s what differentiates the outstanding performers from everyone else. The big stuff is sort of a given. That’s that known requirement. It’s the small stuff—the hidden, extra step that few people see and even fewer actually take—that separates the average person just “getting by” from the person who really believes in the goal and is dedicated to doing everything it takes in order to achieve it.
Success is all about the small stuff.
Another book came out a few years after Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. This one took a dramatically different approach. It’s called 212°: The Extra Degree and that title comes from the fact that water, at 212 degrees, creates steam. Before that, even up to 211 degrees, water is just really, really hot. It’s that extra degree that changes it to steam, and steam can power a locomotive. All it takes it one tiny degree to transform water into something completely different and infinitely more powerful.
This concept is far more useful for those seeking professional success. Micro-movements have the ability to transform the ordinary into the outstanding.
Just ask any competitive sportsman and he’ll agree. The margin of victory in most professional sports is very, very small. According to SimpleTruths.com, at the Indy 500, the average margin of victory for the last 10 years has been 1.54 seconds. In the PGA Championship, the first and second place winners have averaged a difference of just 1.71 strokes—less than half a stroke per day. The difference between the gold medal and no metal at all in the Olympic games is often a matter of split seconds.
The giant leaps allow you to compete but it’s the small stuff that puts you out in front.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that the small stuff is unimportant. Yes, it’s counterproductive to obsess over the details so intensely that you lose sight of the ultimate goal. But a little sweat is necessary. Being meticulous is not a character flaw. Use the small stuff to your advantage. Everyone else is ignoring it.
This post is part of my Bad Career Advice series in which I expose outdated, clichéd, and counterproductive advice for exactly what it is.
I understand the sentiment behind this piece of advice and clearly, its intent is to push you past your own perceived limits. While its heart is in the right place, I believe the advice to “never give up” also ignores the blatant reality of life and instills the idea that quitting for any reason is an unacceptable act of defeat.
The truth is, we often have to give up in order to move forward. And there’s no shame in this. Life is full of beginnings and endings. If you refuse to give up when things clearly aren’t working or ignore signals that a natural phase of completion has been reached, you only end up wasting your time and energy.
It’s Not You…No, Really. It Isn’t.
All too often, people blame themselves for giving up. It’s seen as a sign of failure. Instead, quitting (at times) can and should be viewed as an empowering act of triumph. There’s honor in recognizing that one course has reached its conclusion, just as there’s strength in allowing another to begin.
When we try too hard to hold on to what WAS, we’re unable to see what COULD BE and embrace what IS.
W.C. Fields put it best: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.”
It is indeed foolish to continue devoting resources to activities that no longer serve you—or, activities that you no longer serve. While it’s hard to admit, we all have strengths and weaknesses. To expect that we are capable of succeeding in all activities equally is inefficient and unrealistic. There are times when we must put our hands in the air, surrender and allow others to take over. We have to be humble, accept that we are perfectly imperfect, and relinquish control in order to collaboratively take the next step forward. Giving up, in this sense, is often the most productive path towards achieving a goal.
Though it may strike you as harsh or uncaring, we must also give up on people at times. We’ve all experienced relationships that have grown counterproductive. There comes a point at which the pain of giving up is worth it when compared to the pain of pushing forward. And it’s only by letting go that we begin the process of healing.
Likewise, we must let others move on when the time is right.
In closing, let me also say that this is not intended to encourage you, my dear reader, to simply “give up” on everything the moment you encounter an obstacle. It’s just an option. Don’t deny yourself that freedom. Use your time, energy and resources wisely. Refusing to give up on something or someone that holds you stagnant is not an efficient use of your capabilities. Look at the true potential reward of sticking it out and weigh it against the risk of giving up. Be analytical. And be willing to admit that yesterday’s opportunity of a lifetime may no longer be worth the sacrifice today.
Life and everything we experience is fluid. It’s a perpetual cycle of birth and death and rebirth. Dreams change, people change; the world and everything in it is constantly evolving. Be willing to release the past and embrace your future. Give yourself the power to give up.
This post is part of my Bad Career Advice series in which I expose outdated, clichéd, and counterproductive advice for exactly what it is.
Oh man, this one kills me. It’s so frequently repeated that hardly anyone questions its truth anymore. And the sad fact is this: If you do what you love for a living, you’ll probably end up loving it a little bit less.
Let me back up for a second: Yes, it’s a wonderful goal to strive for finding work that you enjoy. In fact, it should be a goal for everyone. But this absurd axiom suggests that you can simply take what you already love, turn it into something for which you get paid (meaning, you have clients and bosses and deadlines and obligations…) and it won’t ever feel like anything other than that thing you love. This is a blatant, hurtful lie that far too many people fall for. And they end up feeling like something is wrong with them, when really something is wrong with the idea they’ve been sold.
When something you love becomes work, it fundamentally—and unavoidably—changes the way in which you interact with it.
Work IS NOT Play
In his book, Hardcore Zen, author and Zen Buddhist Brad Werner says the following:
“…even the best job in the world [is] still just a job. Even Johnny Ramone said that being a rock and roll guitar player was a pretty good job, but that, in the end, it also sucked just like any other job.”
Yep. Ain’t that the truth?
Work is called work because it’s not play. Once you depend on something to put food on your table, it becomes something different. It’s no longer “that thing you do for fun”; it’s “that thing you have to do for survival”.
That doesn’t mean you won’t end up enjoying or maybe even loving the work you do. But it will also be work. You probably won’t mistake it for anything else.
Once you take an activity you love (for me, writing) and start doing it for pay, you involve the opinions and needs of others. Writing for a living means I often have to set aside my personal artistic vision, and simply follow the instructions of my client. I sometimes call myself a “writer monkey” because I feel so caged in. I still write for myself, to explore my own ideas and personal style, and, on most days, I’d say I love the work I do…but these are two different things. The writing I do for work is not the writing I do for play.
Work is MORE than the Work
Instead of focusing on doing what you love so work won’t feel like “work”, take some time to figure out what work means to you. What do you want to get out of it mentally, physically, socially and spiritually? (Get my free mini-workbook if you need help with this.) Then, see how your talents match up with that. For example, if I happened to be the type of person who wanted a lot of social interaction at work, my career in writing (no matter how much I love the activity) would be quite a letdown.
Work is about more than the thing you’re doing. It offers nourishment in a number of different ways. So, when you think about finding work you’ll enjoy (work that, hopefully, can be truly nourishing) think about the entire experience.
It’s dangerous to suggest that work can be anything other than work. Doing what you love can certainly make it a more enjoyable experience. But you’ll also experience a new side of that activity, and it won’t be comfortable. You’ll have to face the inescapable truth that there’s no fooling yourself. Work isn’t the same as play, no matter how similar they might appear on the surface.
I’m very lucky to do what I love for a living. But sometimes, I’m like the gourmet chef who lives off takeout and frozen meals. When you do an activity all day long and depend on it for survival, the playfulness can disappear quickly. Just like in a marriage, it sometimes takes effort to stay in love. At the end of the workday, I have to force myself to write for pleasure after I’ve been writing for eight hours already.
Do I sound cynical? Perhaps a little. But too many people sit around convinced that if only they could turn their NASCAR obsession into a fulltime job, they’d finally be happy. I encourage you to take a deeper look at the things you love and what work means to you. There might be a happy intersection of the two, but don’t force it.
This is post is part of my Bad Career Advice series in which I expose outdated, clichéd, and counterproductive advice for exactly what it is.
Congratulations! You’ve done such an amazing job managing your current responsibilities; we’ve decided to give you more! You’ve earned longer hours at the office, higher levels of stress, and no additional vacation time. Plus—here’s the good news—that minimal increase in salary will be completely wiped out by taxes.
Promotions sometimes feel like back-handed compliments. Sadly, we’re programmed from an early age to strive for them. A promotion, we’re told, is the ultimate reward for a job well done. Unfortunately, it isn’t always a positive career move for the person being promoted. While it may feel flattering at first, reality soon comes crashing in, and the scenario described at the beginning of this post is often a pretty accurate description.
In all likelihood, a promotion means more work and more responsibility. It sometimes means a new title, raise or some other perk. Most of us get so entrenched in the idea of “upward movement” that we jump at the opportunity of promotion, regardless of the true impact and how (or if) it will support our larger career goals.
The ironic part is that promotions are usually offered at a point when you’re really in a productive rhythm with your current responsibilities; you’ve got the program down. A promotion can change all that. You could end up doing entirely different work and the tasks at which you’ve become so skilled may fall to another. Or, you may end up simply accumulating more tasks making the high-quality work that brought you to the attention of the higher ups a near impossibility to maintain.
Many people find that accepting a promotion pulls them away from the work they love and the skills they’ve honed. For some, it’s an opportunity to expand their comfort zone and learn new things. For others, it’s simply a distraction.
So, when offered a promotion, how are you to know it’s the right move for you? There’s no easy way to know for sure. The best you can do is think it over with a clear mind and honestly weigh the pros and cons.
Evaluate it as an opportunity, not a reward.
A bonus is a reward; there’s no question you should accept it. A promotion, however, is an opportunity. It comes with risks and potential rewards.
Consider how it will support or distract from your long-term career goals.
What experience do you stand to gain if you accept this promotion? Is the experience valuable to you and your long-term career strategy? Even if the position itself isn’t necessarily what you’re looking for, the skills you will gain might make it worthwhile.
What other opportunities might this lead to?
Even if this immediate move isn’t a perfect fit, there may be other opportunities more in line with your career goals down the road that may emerge from this. By saying “no” to this, there may be long-term implications.
Remember that (in that vast majority of cases) a promotion is an offer. It’s not a requirement. You don’t have to accept it. If it’s not the right move for you, share your thoughts with management. Perhaps expressing your career goals in such a way will help them identify other opportunities that may be more appropriate for you. Be clear about what you’re looking for and why.
This post is part of my Bad Career Advice series in which I expose outdated, clichéd, and counterproductive advice for exactly what it is.
This post is part of my 
This post is part of my Bad Career Advice series in which I expose outdated, clichéd, and counterproductive advice for exactly what it is. 
